Call it running away, call it searching for something, call it lost in my early twenties, call it ambitious, call me a gypsy, call me a vagabond, call me carefree, careless but one thing you can’t call it is a waste, pointless or call me a coward.
I’m taking a risk, a heavy weight weighs on my chest with missing you all (really. It feels like one of us is dying and we’ll never see each other again.), migraine causing questions about finances swarm my mind, but you know one thing I won’t have is regret.
I am blessed with an open door, why should I close it before seeing what it has in store?
I started to settle, settle for a person, settle for what I thought everyone thinks my life should be, following through with college, getting a basic career that’ll I’ll have for the rest of my life, getting married, having kids, and continuing to stay in the same place.
Yes guys who have been saying “Well I guess you’ll get your adventure now…”
Guys yes seriously, I love adventure, I love new things, meeting new folks, yes I love a rush, I love being scared and then finding out everything is okay, I love a thrill, I love taking chances, but believe me I have a plan for my life.
I was not at all happy with planning my American dream. That wasn’t me. That was someone else. Someone I thought I could be in order to keep someone else. Never ever change for anyone. They will not stay. No matter what you will never lose anything if you stay you. I feel so much shame even after the fact. I lost control. I lost myself. It was good though, humbling, it took me down from my high horse.
This experience is terrifying, yes I know it is not a vacation, it is going to be a lot of hard work and a trying time for my three friends and I in staying close and sane. We’ll have to look out for each other. We’ll have to be patient, willing to be let down. If we do we will not fail.
I believe fully in them and myself. I know we can do this.
Honestly for those who have spoken to me know I seem a little numb, but it is because I am so excited to go but also so sad to leave, leave my hometown, leave my loving, supportive family, leave my friends and the ones who turned out to care more than I ever even knew.
My childhood was here, my family is still here, my memories have all been blessed ones and even now I usually have the worst summers here and this is the first year it has been so great, the best of my life yet, and here I am leaving it. So I am definitely not running away.
I’m not moving down the street, I’m not moving a weekend trip away. I’m moving a couple states, some major highways, and hours away.
I am going to discover a lot. Believe it or not living by the beach is not even the most exciting part. It’s what’s going to happen down there, sure I don’t know what, and even if I hate it, I’m ready to tackle it.
I love that my friends care enough to include me in their plans, to give me this shot, to believe in me.
I love that my family has given me a place to come back to, I’ll always have a home.
Remember friends I am certainly sad to leave you all, hey coffee family that’s you, squad boys that’s you, Ashley that’s you, Cara that’s you, Allie that’s you, Heidikins that’s you, NINA that’s you, bakery guys that’s you, and everyone in DLM, and everyone in my life but I will be here in spirit, phone calls, letters, whatever it may be. I will listen, you need anything I’ll be there and I love you. I’m so thankful for every moment we’ve had and you are beyond not forgotten.