REAL○LATABLE

At 22 I finally understand what everyone meant by the twenties being a trying age.

I get it now. Three years ago I was a spirited sprite of a young girl with all of the options of the world laid out on a platter for me. All I ever had to do was go with the flow and smile and everything would work out. I did not understand my sad, stressed, angry friends. I always said “hey life is what you make it, it’s up to you.”

It is what you make it. Sometimes you battle with yourself mentally though. What if you are doing all you can to be happy but you keep getting chewed up and spit out by the world.

Can you blame the kids who grew up believing they could do anything and now they just don’t know? Everyone is saying you need to grow up and get a good job and support yourself. Everyone is saying you have to earn that degree if you want to amount to anything. All the while our debt is climbing and our confidence in ourselves is declining. Or we finally earn the degree and we wonder if this is really what we want forever..

All of my friends are growing up too, many already graduating college, getting married, having kids…I do not envy them. But my does the time fly. I myself am just getting started with the stress of school and determining what I want to be for the rest of my life.

I just wonder off and on what my purpose is.

It should be easy enough for a person like me to enjoy the moment but currently I’m torn between still being immature and being an adult. Everything around me is going so fast and I feel so far behind and I’m trying to catch up even though I feel like that is a mistake for me. I feel like I should slowly enjoy everything around me. But I keep slipping.

Without fail, I found again, I have lost my faith. And why be of little faith? Why on God’s green earth do I not trust there is a purpose for ALL of this. Why do I get so caught up?

It’s going to be okay. It always is. Whatever struggle you’re going through, think of all the times you rose from the rumble. God’s up there saying, “I don’t know why you’re freaking out because I have all of this for you, and for good reason. Just come to me.”

I was driving back from Florida with my dear friend Allie. During that long trek back home we fell into the conversation of “trying to be better”. I often tell myself that I have messed up too far and pushed God so far back that I am not worth talking to Him. I wait around until I get “back on track”. We made some great points, are we ever really on track?

Does God care if you get A’s or D’s? Does God care if your credit score is impressive? Does God care that you help that little old lady across the street when you know your friends are watching? He cares about your intent. He truly cares about your character and what’s best for you. He’s not sitting up on a cloud with a whip waiting for you to mess up and say “I told you so”.

Allie had said, “I think what matters here, what actually matters and what’s really cool is, we have this desire. This desire to “be better”, to draw closer to Him. And honestly the fact that we are concerned about it says a lot about our faith.” We got chills and goosebumps.

I never thought about it that way, the desire being just as important as the accomplished goal.

I long to be selfless, I want to change my attitude, I want to stay compassionate.

The fact that I think about these things, at least, says a lot about me.

And the motivation and desire you have in your hearts and minds, says a lot about you.

So what if you missed the deadline or graduate by 30.

Continue to be that person you want to be, keep trying. Stay real.

 

 

 

-K

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